So...Step 4...how have you been? Of all of the steps, you my friend, are the Mount Everest of them all. Well, for me, that is. I have been avoiding step 4 since the first time I attempted to walk the steps. I remained at base camp waiting for my Sherpa (a.k.a. my sponsor) to not only help me up the mountain...but to carry me up. As it turns out I have to work my own program. My sponsor can't do it for me. The great news is I don't have to do it alone. I have read a bit about people who have climbed or attempted to climb Mount Everest. They cannot do it alone. They must have someone with them for safety reasons. Someone who knows the mountain, the path to and from the Summit. They need someone who knows it and has been there and done that. So much can be taken from this thought process. My sponsor does know the ways...she has been there and back a few times. We are all on this journey together. Some of us will arrive before others, and then we realize...it is not a race to get there before or after anyone. You are in a race against yourself, your past, your childhood, your issues, etc. If you veer off the path in an attempt to take a 'short cut', sometimes you will find this causes your progress to be hindered. Slow and steady wins the race.
Today I am hopeful. I am thankful for my Alanon friends and family. I am thankful for my sponsor. I am thankful for a husband that loves me. I am really thankful that as of yesterday I realized that my husband is a lucky man because I am pretty darn special. Yesterday I figured this out...what took so long? It does not matter. What matters is that I am really starting to see that I am a valuable and loving person with a beautiful heart and spirit. Normally, this is the place I would insert some sarcastic dig at myself, but this time I am not going to do that. I feel a sense of progress, and I realize that perfection is not a reasonable goal for me to keep striving toward.
As I clean house, and remove the clutter that is my past, issues, hurts and old wounds, an enormous amount of storage space is freed up for my artistic expression. Love and security are slowly replacing the doubt, fear and anger. It makes for a much nicer interior...colors are brighter and this morning I can actually feel a very happy warm feeling in my heart.
Thank you program and people for being...just for being here.
May the road rise up to meet you...have a great day.
Beautiful. I loved the Mount Everest comparison. I, too, am back again to do another 4th Step Inventory. This time on one specific relationship. It amazes me how God opens my eyes to see my character clearly just when He knows I am ready to see it. He loves the good, bad, and the ugly. He loves me - yet He allows me to see clearly the areas that can change so that I can better serve His will. I like knowing that my mountains are not unmanageable with the help that is offered to me. Thanks!
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