New Beginnings

Another new year and another new beginning.  Today I realized that I am doing much better at taking care of myself.  I am actually learning how to relax.  I have not been very good at that in the past.

If I do not make an effort to take care of me first, I won't be of any use to anyone else.  Today I worked on some new items for my shop and they were all recovery related.

Take a look at my newest listing (just click the picture to be taken to my Etsy site):

Step 3 Bracelet

Step 3:  Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.

This is a very important step, and a very difficult at that.  The great news is our higher power is very forgiving and patient and waits for us each time we need to "turn it over" to him again.

One day at a time, one moment at a time, one step at a time...we are not alone.

Blessings and peace for a happy and safe new year!

Carol
Sacred Strands

Serenity Prayer - take it with you

Each day at one point or another I have to remind myself to stop...drop...breathe and return...
1. Stop...stop panicking or carrying on about whatever stressor has hold of me at the moment
2. Drop...drop my shoulders, as they are inevitably raised to the level of my earlobes wracked with tension
3. Breathe...Inhale deep, filling my lungs and strong breath out releasing the bad thoughts/feelings/etc.
4. Return...Then as I take another inhalation...I return "here" to this moment...I sometimes even press a finger to the top of my sternum as if to say...we are right here...not in the past and not in the future...we are right here and now.

I started making Serenity Prayer items in my Etsy Shop.

Silver plated double mobius ring with the full version of the Serenity Prayer engraved on all sides.  This is a size 5 ring which I attached to a lobster claw clasp to be used as a zipper pull or add-on to your key ring.

Zipper-pull Serenity Prayer Ring

Serenity Prayer pewter tokens have the three words "Serenity, Courage, Wisdom" engraved on one side and  the serenity prayer engraved on the opposite side.  I attached a large jump ring, small length of chain and a key ring.  

listing for above item can be found at:  Serenity Prayer Key Ring

I made another version with a different type of key chain clasp, which can be found here:

Serenity Prayer Key Chain

Please let me know if you have any questions.  I would so appreciate you "liking" my Facebook page as well, which can be found at:  Sacred Strands Face Book Page

Remember...One Day at a Time...One moment at a time...step by step...we can do this together!

Sacred Strands

I know that in my life, with each advancing step I take I realize I need prayer more and  more and more.  I need the help of the community around me and the help of my higher power.  Lacking self-esteem I was not able to believe that anything I could make with my hands would be worth anything to anyone else.  I had, what I thought were, well-meaning friends trying to be nice complimenting the prayer beads I made.  They said "do you sell these?"  I thought...'what are you CRAZY?'  Then as I continued to work my recovery and take another look, I was very happy with the beads that I was stringing together.  I gave them as gifts or made them for others to give as gifts.  A friend suggested I try ETSY.com and I was skeptical.  I went online 11-11-11 and started my shop.  I have made 30+ sales in the last year, not including things I have sold offline.  I love making the beads and new creations.  I hope you will check my site.

I started making a line of recovery-themed items and those seem to be the best sellers.  Serenity Prayer keychains, bracelets themed after the 12-steps with focal beads flanked by bead caps to signify a specific step.  I include angel, cross, wing, key and dove charms all as symbols of freedom from that which brought us to need of recovery.  We are not alone.

I am so pleased to share my items on my etsy site located at  Sacred Strands

Please come by and visit.  Do let me know what you think.  I am always open to suggestions.

Blessings and peace,

Carol

Step 3

So much pain for too long.  I made it to my first meeting this past Friday.  I was so glad to find the comfort of the rooms there with welcoming smiles, warm hugs, and offerings of encouragement.  I have to care about myself.  I have to be happy to see me, happy to be with me since I am with me all the time. 

I have gone through quite a bit these last three years, and the pain and drama and baggage grew and got heavier and heavier until I had to finally say STOP.  I called an end to one of the most important parts of my life next to my relationship with my higher power.  I had to say goodbye to my child, a child who I brought into this world, I gave birth to her and 13 years and 24 days later I had to say goodbye.  She is alive, but I watched her disappear before my very eyes, in my presence she withdrew and changed and behaved so unpredictably to the point of creating an unsafe environment for me and my family.  The door to that relationship with my only-born has closed and is locked until...until I don't know when.  I am preparing my heart that the door will be closed permanently, although my hope is that she will return some day. 

How does one pick up and move on from something like that?  I realized that every place in my life is being pruned and the only thing left for me to do is to take care of me.  I am on the pathway to recovery.  I am talking to my higher power more, praying for those who have harmed me, asked for forgiveness for my part in the wrong doing.  I am seeking out a practitioner who works with individuals one on one to teach them yoga.  I can have a better life, and not be absorbed by this trajedy.  I have been creating opportunities to be around my family more and allow everyone to show me their love just by being there. 

I have had a fear of abandonment my entire life, and when my very own child abandoned me both mentally and emotionally...and now physically...I realize that life can and must move on.  I was doing the same things over and over and expecting a different outcome.  No more. 

Today begins a new day and a new journey.  No more insanity, I will walk this pathway one step at a time.  Step one:  I am powerless over this mess and my life has become unmanageable.
Step two:  Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity
Step three:  Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as we understood him.

I am currently doing the cha cha with steps 1-3, but that is okay because it takes as long as it takes. 

God, Please take my will and my life and make them yours, please clear the pathy way to serenity making the journey meaningful and possible, ever reminding me that you have 'got this' and do not need me to get int he way.  I am willing lord..

C

Choices

Today I choose to accept the things I cannot change, ask God for courage to change the things I can, and a discerning heart with wisdom to know the difference.  I am choosing to not react, but to trust God, to ask for his will for my life, to reveal for me the path where there appears to be none, and most importantly to remember not to make any decisions when emotional.  Ask for time to ponder the implications, ask for time to consider the ideas presented.  I pray that God will give me comfort today, right now, in this moment and hear my plea.  God, please remove from me any evil or negative thoughts, take the stray thoughts from my mind that hinder my journey on the pathway to peace.  Lord fill all of the wounded places with your love and healing power.  We are a blessed family and we miss our girl.  I understand that she is angry and there is nothing that she is willing to do about that right now.  Only you know what is best Lord, and I pray for your guidance.  As an adult child, I fear that my judgement is sometimes clouded and my thinking distorted.  I ask for your understanding and loving grace during this time.  I am preparing myself for a nice weekend, and hope that much rest and healing will take place.

Pain

As I sit here typing this entry this morning, I realize that I am in a great deal of pain.  My pain, however, should not rule my life.  God alone should rule my life.  I can't, he can, so I think I will let him.  When things seem bad and you know they are going to get worse before they get better, try not to rely on your own understanding.  Trust that God has something so much more fulfilling and worthwhile waiting for you on the other side of the trial.  I am facing these difficult situations so often that I am hoping it is toughening my hide.  I close my eyes...pause...breathe in....breathe out....and say okay God, you take over...then wait and believe you will feel that positive warm fuzzy glow in your heart.  That is the healing power of God.  Let it enfold you today.  Even if you have to stop several times and close your eyes again, returning to his will each time.

I realize at this moment that the warm fuzzy heart healing embrace I used to enjoy from my child was not her love, it was God's.  God's love is what warms and fills my heart to overflowing.  I only need God.  In this dark valley time, I realize it is only God that I need.  

I deserve love and I am loving.  Thank you God for this message today.

Hello old friend

I put this blog away for quite some time and now I am back.  Every day I am trying to do something positive, do the next right thing and believe in myself.  I am learning what it truly means to care for myself and that it is okay to do that and not something selfish.  Putting the oxygen mask back on before I try to help others.

Friends, I hope you will read this and realize that we are not alone, those who suffer, those who feel crazy, those who feel rejected, those who feel alienated, those who feel manipulated, intimidated, and who feel as though nothing will ever change.  I am living, breathing proof that things can change.  I am finding the most change happens in the darkest deepest most treacherous valley.  For me it is the times in the valley that mold me more than any mountain top experience.

I am thankful for a higher power that loves me, is present, and who lifts me up when I am too weak.  I referred to it as crowd surfing last night...crowd surfing...that just makes me smile.  I was referring to how the supportive people in my life take turns lifting me up and helping me move from one place to another.

Blessings for today.  Love yourself and Live your life choosing to do the next right thing.