Choices

Today I choose to accept the things I cannot change, ask God for courage to change the things I can, and a discerning heart with wisdom to know the difference.  I am choosing to not react, but to trust God, to ask for his will for my life, to reveal for me the path where there appears to be none, and most importantly to remember not to make any decisions when emotional.  Ask for time to ponder the implications, ask for time to consider the ideas presented.  I pray that God will give me comfort today, right now, in this moment and hear my plea.  God, please remove from me any evil or negative thoughts, take the stray thoughts from my mind that hinder my journey on the pathway to peace.  Lord fill all of the wounded places with your love and healing power.  We are a blessed family and we miss our girl.  I understand that she is angry and there is nothing that she is willing to do about that right now.  Only you know what is best Lord, and I pray for your guidance.  As an adult child, I fear that my judgement is sometimes clouded and my thinking distorted.  I ask for your understanding and loving grace during this time.  I am preparing myself for a nice weekend, and hope that much rest and healing will take place.

Pain

As I sit here typing this entry this morning, I realize that I am in a great deal of pain.  My pain, however, should not rule my life.  God alone should rule my life.  I can't, he can, so I think I will let him.  When things seem bad and you know they are going to get worse before they get better, try not to rely on your own understanding.  Trust that God has something so much more fulfilling and worthwhile waiting for you on the other side of the trial.  I am facing these difficult situations so often that I am hoping it is toughening my hide.  I close my eyes...pause...breathe in....breathe out....and say okay God, you take over...then wait and believe you will feel that positive warm fuzzy glow in your heart.  That is the healing power of God.  Let it enfold you today.  Even if you have to stop several times and close your eyes again, returning to his will each time.

I realize at this moment that the warm fuzzy heart healing embrace I used to enjoy from my child was not her love, it was God's.  God's love is what warms and fills my heart to overflowing.  I only need God.  In this dark valley time, I realize it is only God that I need.  

I deserve love and I am loving.  Thank you God for this message today.

Hello old friend

I put this blog away for quite some time and now I am back.  Every day I am trying to do something positive, do the next right thing and believe in myself.  I am learning what it truly means to care for myself and that it is okay to do that and not something selfish.  Putting the oxygen mask back on before I try to help others.

Friends, I hope you will read this and realize that we are not alone, those who suffer, those who feel crazy, those who feel rejected, those who feel alienated, those who feel manipulated, intimidated, and who feel as though nothing will ever change.  I am living, breathing proof that things can change.  I am finding the most change happens in the darkest deepest most treacherous valley.  For me it is the times in the valley that mold me more than any mountain top experience.

I am thankful for a higher power that loves me, is present, and who lifts me up when I am too weak.  I referred to it as crowd surfing last night...crowd surfing...that just makes me smile.  I was referring to how the supportive people in my life take turns lifting me up and helping me move from one place to another.

Blessings for today.  Love yourself and Live your life choosing to do the next right thing.