My higher power is showing me opportunity after opportunity to practice the principles in all my affairs. Yesterday, try as I might to complete a certain task, I was not able. I was powerless. This morning as I rose to meet the day, I had to take a journey two hours away and two hours back to accomplish that task. I was driving out of my neighborhood and found that the CD I thought I would be listening to on my trip would not work..."error" "error" the digital display flashed. I actually said out loud "okay God, what would you like to talk about?" My mind began to get busy with other details of the day, and I said (in my head this time) "please help me focus". There came a feeling pressing on my heart that I should fast and pray. "Fast and Pray? Uh...I do not miss meals...and my belief system is not one that typically involves fasting. There it was again "Fast...just try it, and trust me". I got to the station to gas up my car, and as I often do...I asked one more time..."Are you sure, God? Am I hearing you right or is this some foolishness I am making up" God smiled. "Go inside, get some vitamin water and trust me".
As I drove down the busy highway surrounding the city right in the middle of rush hour I smiled. I smiled because I realized that I was powerless in that moment, and no matter the outcome of the day...it would be the outcome of the day. If I was not able to reach my destination by the deadline, well...I would not be able to reach that destination whether I had an anxiety attack or not. I could get mad, curse, yell at people through the glass windshield, let my heart beat out of control, stress out, and somehow none of those things would allow me to reach my destination any faster. The traffic CRAWLED around the city, and I thought...woohoo...here we go...I am hauling now.
I approached my exit and what do you know...STOPPED. Traffic was completely stopped at my one little stinking exit. I smiled again...and I did not stress out. I sat there and felt peaceful. God entered my heart again and said "sometimes you are in a hurry to reach your destination, but no matter how hard you try to get there in the timing that YOU expect...you are unable to meet your own expectation. Then I saw a sign that said "wrong way", and "Construction ahead" and I smiled again. What in the world was wrong with me today...smiling in the midst of all this struggle to get somewhere. Then I realized that God had been using all of this time to help me to focus on him and my current reservations about working my program.
I have been in a hot hurry to achieve the goal of my 12 steps. Treating it as a "to-do" list as though I would take a quick jaunt through this once and be done...wrong. I saw a car change lanes into the lane that had all the pavement stripped away, trying to get around things as fast as possible, and then try to turn down another road when it hit me...I have been trying to go around, change the subject, make excuses, avoid everything that I need to do for my own mental health and wellbeing, and progress. I don't have to be perfect, but I can progress.
I stayed the course and went through the construction zone this morning, and found my trip was only delayed by 15 minutes by staying in my lane and waiting my turn to go through. I felt a pressing on my heart to go through my own issues from long ago.
A very wise friend in a meeting recently said "you don't look in the rear view mirror when you are driving down the road, why should you do this in your life" and that hit home with me so much. I am driving down the road, looking out the rearview...time to get my eyes back on my road to recovery, stop trying to steer around the construction and face it head on.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. amen
As I drove down the busy highway surrounding the city right in the middle of rush hour I smiled. I smiled because I realized that I was powerless in that moment, and no matter the outcome of the day...it would be the outcome of the day. If I was not able to reach my destination by the deadline, well...I would not be able to reach that destination whether I had an anxiety attack or not. I could get mad, curse, yell at people through the glass windshield, let my heart beat out of control, stress out, and somehow none of those things would allow me to reach my destination any faster. The traffic CRAWLED around the city, and I thought...woohoo...here we go...I am hauling now.
I approached my exit and what do you know...STOPPED. Traffic was completely stopped at my one little stinking exit. I smiled again...and I did not stress out. I sat there and felt peaceful. God entered my heart again and said "sometimes you are in a hurry to reach your destination, but no matter how hard you try to get there in the timing that YOU expect...you are unable to meet your own expectation. Then I saw a sign that said "wrong way", and "Construction ahead" and I smiled again. What in the world was wrong with me today...smiling in the midst of all this struggle to get somewhere. Then I realized that God had been using all of this time to help me to focus on him and my current reservations about working my program.
I have been in a hot hurry to achieve the goal of my 12 steps. Treating it as a "to-do" list as though I would take a quick jaunt through this once and be done...wrong. I saw a car change lanes into the lane that had all the pavement stripped away, trying to get around things as fast as possible, and then try to turn down another road when it hit me...I have been trying to go around, change the subject, make excuses, avoid everything that I need to do for my own mental health and wellbeing, and progress. I don't have to be perfect, but I can progress.
I stayed the course and went through the construction zone this morning, and found my trip was only delayed by 15 minutes by staying in my lane and waiting my turn to go through. I felt a pressing on my heart to go through my own issues from long ago.
A very wise friend in a meeting recently said "you don't look in the rear view mirror when you are driving down the road, why should you do this in your life" and that hit home with me so much. I am driving down the road, looking out the rearview...time to get my eyes back on my road to recovery, stop trying to steer around the construction and face it head on.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. amen
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